Exploring Boundaries
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously”
– Prentis Hemphill
What image arises in your mind when someone says to you
“I need to work on my boundaries?”
Having worked in the psychology field for a long time, I have had a variety of feelings about these words: “I need to work on my boundaries.”
The image of a border, a gate, or property line might arise in my mind. Someone’s hand pressing their palm towards me in a stop gesture. It always has felt to me like a firm line, or closed off sort of feeling. Perhaps I may have felt hurt and taken people’s asserted needs as an insult to me.
However what I know to be true now is that boundaries are much more about self care and knowing that it is my responsibility to find out what brings me the greatest joy.
I don’t need other people to like me to be valued or for them to agree with me about anything. I am also not responsible for another person’s happiness. I don’t have that much control and I am not so important and all knowing that I could even attempt such a feat!
Loving myself and loving others for all of our similarities and differences. It feels right to have space and freedom to grow and express ourselves and our uniqueness and not to have to be or act a particular way for anyone.
To put placeholders in positions to assert the line that divides us makes no sense.
Having an inner trust that we must abide by our own values, commitments, and priorities in order to thrive. How about the priority of our own wellbeing? The outcome is likely to be – everyone we come in contact gets a better version of a well cared for individual.
Asserting what is true and knowing what we need can be hard for some of us. Particularly if we are perpetually pleasing others.
A positive step is to trust and stand in alignment with what we can and can’t do.
Not having to prove to anyone else that what we value and care deeply about is absolutely ok, and will contribute to the betterment of others. We can trust that if we support one another to express our unique values and talents, and to refrain from hiding our truths we are weaving together a beautiful tapestry that we can all live and breathe more freely together.
Jennifer Degen
November 8, 2022
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