Money, Mindset, and Self-Worth: Insights from Kathleen Burns Kingsbury
In this exclusive interview, Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, a renowned mindset coach and author, shares her profound insights on how money impacts our sense of security, the influence of parental values on financial behaviors, and how to develop self-worth beyond monetary achievements.
How Does Money Relate to a Feeling of Security in Life Today?
“Money, in its simplest form, is a tool for commerce. However, it often reflects our values and sense of worth in the world,” Kathleen explains. Research shows that after meeting basic needs like food and shelter, having more money doesn’t significantly increase feelings of security or satisfaction.
“I have coached affluent women who feel there will never be enough money to make them feel secure, and women with fewer resources who feel optimistic about their futures,” she shares.
If money alone doesn’t bring security, what does? Kathleen highlights the importance of one’s “money mindset”—a set of beliefs about money formed between the ages of 5 and 15, influenced by observing parents’ financial behaviors. This mindset impacts adult saving, spending, investing, and gifting habits, often subconsciously.
“The good news is that you can change the parts of your money mindset that fuel feelings of insecurity. With the guidance of an experienced money coach, you can live a more satisfied, secure life.”
How Do Our Parents' Values Influence How We Feel About Money?
“Family money messages are powerful,” Kathleen says. “Whether we realize it or not, they are passed down through generations and significantly influence the financial decisions we make as adults.”
When parents openly discuss financial values, children are better equipped to incorporate them into their lives. Unfortunately, many families avoid these discussions, perpetuating a cycle of “money silence.”
“For example,” Kathleen explains, “if your parents fought about money, you might grow up believing that financial conversations lead to conflict, so you avoid them. This behavior can affect your marriage until you realize you need help navigating financial dialogues.”
She emphasizes that parents should proactively share values with their children and explain their importance. “Engaging in these conversations creates a more insightful and financially savvy next generation.”
What Are Ways We Can Feel Secure Without a Bank Account?
“True self-worth comes from within, not from the size of your bank account,” Kathleen explains. Those who tie their security to money often struggle the most with feelings of value in the world.
Kathleen suggests three key ways to build self-worth that don’t require lifelong therapy:
Discover Your Superpower
Identify what you’re good at and enjoy doing. Reflect on the times you’ve felt at your best. If it’s unclear, ask someone you trust to share their perspective on your strengths, and embrace them!Join a Supportive Community
“Women, especially in male-dominated industries, benefit greatly from finding communities that support and encourage them,” Kathleen notes. Connecting with others can help you learn, grow, and recognize your value.Celebrate Your Accomplishments
“Don’t downplay your achievements,” Kathleen advises. Take time to acknowledge milestones and savor the satisfaction that comes with success.
Unlock Your Money Mindset
Kathleen Burns Kingsbury is a money mindset coach and author of several books, including Breaking Money Silence: How to Shatter Money Taboos, Talk More Openly About Finances, and Live a Richer Life. The book’s second edition will be published on January 14, 2025.
To get your copy, visit breakingmoneysilence.com/book.
Your Turn
What’s one money belief you’ve carried from childhood? How has it shaped your financial decisions? Reflect and share your thoughts in the comments below.
Jennifer Degen
January 6, 2025
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