Our Thoughts Are Not Who We Are: Choosing Peace Over Judgment
As humans, we are deeply affected by the world around us—the opinions, narratives, and judgments that bombard us daily. These external forces often shape the thoughts we have and the stories we tell ourselves. But what if we stepped back for a moment and asked: Are these thoughts really who I am?
Let’s explore a common scenario:
Imagine you're at a family gathering. Conversations flow, and inevitably, someone brings up a political topic or a divisive issue. Perhaps it's a parent who expresses a strong opinion you don’t agree with, or a sibling who dismisses your perspective entirely. Tension starts to build inside you.
You might notice an inner dialogue begin:
“How can they believe that? That’s so ignorant.”
“Why won’t they listen to me? Why do I even bother?”
As this internal chatter grows, so does your discomfort. You feel frustration, maybe even anger or sadness. Suddenly, the atmosphere becomes heavier—not just around you but within you.
Now, pause for a moment. What’s actually happening here?
These feelings of anguish and frustration don’t arise directly from the other person’s words. They arise because of your thoughts about their words. Your mind interprets their comments, labels them as "wrong," and attaches a story about why this is upsetting. These thoughts, and the emotional storm they bring, can spiral, leaving you feeling drained, disconnected, and even physically tense.
But what if we zoomed out?
Zooming Out: The Bigger Picture
Take a step back and remind yourself: Everyone—including you—is operating from the thoughts shaped by their own experiences, upbringing, culture, and media influences. The opinions they hold are not immutable truths; they’re just perspectives. In fact, many of these perspectives may not even be their own but borrowed ideas from the world around them.
Now, let’s consider something even more profound:
We have one life. One finite, precious chance to exist on this earth. How do we want to spend it? Do we want to immerse ourselves in judgment, fear, and suffering caused by the thoughts and feelings of a single interaction? Or do we want to choose something different—something lighter, freer, and more aligned with who we really are?
Breaking the Cycle
The next time you find yourself caught in the grip of challenging thoughts or emotions, try these steps:
Pause and Breathe: Take a moment to focus on your breath. A simple inhale for four counts and exhale for six can calm your nervous system and create space between you and your reactions.
Notice the Thought: Say to yourself, “This is just a thought, not a fact.” Recognize that your mind is generating a narrative—it’s not necessarily the truth.
Zoom Out: Imagine rising above the situation as if you were watching it from a bird’s-eye view. Ask yourself, “In the grand scheme of my life, how much does this thought or feeling matter?”
Choose Your Energy: Instead of fueling the fire of judgment or anger, choose to focus on something more meaningful—connection, kindness, or simply letting go.
The Impact on Health
When we engage in endless mental battles with our thoughts, it affects more than just our mood. Prolonged stress from judgmental thinking can take a toll on our physical health, leading to increased tension, poor sleep, digestive issues, and even weakened immunity. Letting go of these thoughts isn’t just an emotional choice; it’s a physical one, too—a step toward vitality and well-being.
A Shift in Perspective
Here’s an empowering truth: You don’t have to believe every thought you think. You can observe your thoughts without identifying with them, like watching clouds pass in the sky. You can choose which thoughts deserve your attention and which ones to release.
By recognizing that our thoughts are not who we are, we open the door to a life with less suffering and more peace. We stop arguing with the world and start living in alignment with our deeper values: love, compassion, and joy.
So, the next time you feel pulled into the storm of judgment and negativity, ask yourself:
How do I want to live this one precious life?
The choice is always yours.
Jennifer Degen
January 2, 2025
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