Layers of Habit: Unraveling the Past
"Change is hard, especially change for the better. Not only do old patterns die hard, they have a life of their own that very often gets stronger as you try to walk away from them."
— Rod Stryker
For me, habits are like intricate tapestries with layers upon layers. They're not easily unwoven, especially when they're rooted in the soil of my childhood memories and past insults that cut deep. These habits have a way of resurfacing, causing me to react as my younger self would, emotionally unruly and honest.
Finding balance in my emotions tends to be more challenging when I am experiencing loss. The loss of my father, a potent and overwhelming force on its own, seemed to merge with these patterns of pain, amplifying my feelings of insecurity and wobbliness. I felt off balance, like a ship caught in a stormy sea.
In these moments of vulnerability, when the raw and unwieldy emotions threaten to consume me, I've come to realize that I need a different kind of support—a support that goes beyond self-reflection and introspection.
It's at these times when I've learned to turn to my inner teacher and the circle of healers around me.
Embracing Vulnerability and Seeking New Patterns
The most profound transformations often emerge from the depths of vulnerability. When I'm confronted with the rawness of my emotions, it becomes clear that a new path forward can't be found by staying within the confines of the old patterns.
It's in these moments that I've learned to lean into my resolve, to summon the courage to uncover my Samskaras in fresh and profound ways. I've discovered that this journey sometimes requires me to let go of the notion that I can navigate it alone. Instead, I seek the wisdom and guidance of my inner teacher—the wellspring of intuition and self-awareness within me. And I reach out to the healers and kindred souls who have walked this path alongside me.
Together, we create a space where vulnerability is not weakness but a catalyst for growth, where the raw becomes the fertile ground for transformation. In the presence of my inner teacher and the support of my healers, I find new patterns and higher pathways forward.
As I journey through the labyrinth of my own habits and memories, I am reminded that even in the depths of darkness, there is the potential for profound illumination. It is through vulnerability, self-discovery, and the embrace of support that I continue to unpattern the layers of habit, inching closer to the radiant light of conscious awareness.
Stay tuned next week to learn more about how understanding our Samskara’s can help us grow more awareness.
Jennifer Degen
September 21, 2023
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