Nurturing the Marital Friendship

Is this something you practice?

How have things been for you with your partner?  Have you noticed the differences pre-pandemic to now?  I imagine a good percentage of marriages have had major shifts due to slowing down, changes that allowed us to work more at home, and a higher sense of togetherness after a 9-5 work day commute.  What has replaced that time at home?  Did you make more time for yourself, your partner, or something else?  Are you moving your body more, spending more time in nature together, or has the opposite happened? You spend less time with your partner, and this has revealed to you that you are lonely living in the same house?

Whatever changes have occurred.  You can always build the marital friendship into something more strengthening and supportive.  As John Gottman, renowned couples expert has taught us, some of us are innately good friends

some of us need to learn the skills to be a good friend. 

The first step to a good friendship is being curious, open and asking open ended questions.  We all like to be seen and noticed for the bids for affection we send off, so receiving them with appreciation makes the difference in the long lasting friendships. A thank you is something to practice, even in the regular everyday activities our partner does.  Thanks so much for “picking up the kids today, it was such a relief that you were free.”

Something that can get lost in the shuffle with kids, busy schedules, and life of a dual working household is taking time to dream and vision a life forward together. Talking to one another about your bucket list of ways you want to leave the world a better place, and to take action on that list as a ritual makes the difference to bringing excitement and revitalization into the relationship.

What ways do you nurture your relationship? 

How do you bring meaning to the day to day with your partner?

Jennifer Degen
September 6, 2022

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